You’re Not Meditating Right If Your Mind Is Calm

(You’re not meditating wrong either)

Somewhere along the way, we picked up the idea that meditation is supposed to feel like floating on a still lake at sunrise. No thoughts. No tension. No noise. Just blissful silence.

And if that happens? Beautiful.

But here’s the twist: if your mind is calm, you’re not meditating right.
And if your mind is chaotic, you’re not meditating wrong.

In fact, calm isn’t proof of success. Chaos isn’t proof of failure. Neither guarantees anything about how “well” you’re practicing. Because meditation isn’t about achieving a particular state. It’s about your relationship to whatever state is already here.

If you’re waiting for a perfectly still mind before you consider your practice valid, you’re setting yourself up for frustration. If you’re criticizing yourself for a noisy, restless mind, you’re mistaking the natural activity of a normal mind and may be missing the point of what meditation actually is.

The truth is simpler and far more generous:

• You’re not meditating to achieve a certain experience.

• You’re meditating to notice the one you’re already having.

And that means, exactly as you are — calm or chaotic — you’re practicing.

Meditation Is Not About Manufacturing Calm

Calm can arise in meditation. So can restlessness. So can grief, boredom, planning, replaying conversations from three years ago, or wondering what’s for dinner.

None of these are interruptions.

They are the meditation.

When we sit down, we’re not sitting down to control the mind. We’re sitting down to meet it. Calm is one visitor. Chaos is another. Both are equally welcome.

Meditation isn’t the elimination of movement in the mind. It’s the willingness to notice movement without needing to fix or change it.

Which brings us back to this important truth:

• You’re not meditating right if your mind is calm.

• You’re not meditating right if your mind is chaotic.

Why? Because you cannot meditate “right.”

And the flip side:

• You’re not meditating wrong if your mind is calm.

• You’re not meditating wrong if your mind is chaotic.

Why? Because you cannot meditate “wrong.”

Calm or chaotic, still or restless, your mind is simply doing what it does.
Mindfulness practice is simply noticing without judgment, letting go of “right” or “wrong”, and leaning into what is.

Meditating With What’s Here

Whatever is present — that is your practice.

If there’s stillness, meditating with stillness.
If there’s anxiety, meditating with anxiety.
If there’s numbness, meditating with numbness.

Practicing mindfulness is not about trying to swap one experience for a better one. You are building the capacity to stay.

To stay curious.
To stay open.
To stay kind.

The breath or body becomes an anchor not because it forces calm, but because it gives you somewhere gentle to return when the mind wanders — which it will, again and again.

And each return is not a failure. It’s the repetition that builds the muscle of awareness.

The Common Pitfall: Judging How Well You’re Meditating

One of the most common traps is turning meditation into a performance review:

• “This was a good meditation.”

• “That one was terrible.”

• “I couldn’t focus.”

• “Ah, my mind finally settled.”

• “I did it right today.”

Notice what’s happening here: the mind is turning practice into a productivity metric.

Your worth is measured by how quiet your mind is during or after a session. Restlessness is mistaken for a lack of progress or, conversely, a moment of calm or ease is mistaken as proof of mastery.

But meditation isn’t a performance review.

The judging voice — the one assessing how well you’re doing — is just another mental event. It, too, can be noticed. It, too, can be allowed.

Ironically, the moment you notice you’re judging the meditation and soften around that… you are in the present moment.

Calm Is Not the Goal. Awareness Is.

A calm mind can be pleasant, but it’s not proof of success. Sometimes calm simply means conditions are pleasant that day.

A chaotic mind isn’t proof of failure. Sometimes chaos means you’re finally sitting still long enough to see what’s actually been there all along.

Meditation isn’t about feeling better.
It’s about getting better at tuning into the present moment, whatever may be arising.

Why Your Mind Won’t “Shut Up” — And Why That’s Normal

Our brains are not designed to be silent.

When attention isn’t directed toward a specific task, the brain reliably shifts into what neuroscientists call the default mode network (DMN) — a set of interconnected regions including the medial prefrontal cortex and posterior cingulate cortex. This network becomes active during mind-wandering, self-referential thinking, imagining the future, replaying the past, and evaluating ourselves.

In other words: the DMN becomes active when we’re thinking about ourselves.

So when you sit down to meditate and your mind starts planning tomorrow’s meeting, replaying an awkward conversation, or narrating your performance (“This isn’t working”), nothing has gone wrong. Your brain has simply shifted into its default setting.

From an evolutionary perspective, this makes sense. The human brain evolved to anticipate threats, simulate outcomes, and rehearse social interactions. A wandering mind helped our ancestors survive. It scans for problems. It predicts. It remembers. It evaluates.

Meditation doesn’t immediately switch this system off.
In fact, it often makes you more aware of it.

Brain imaging research shows that experienced meditators don’t necessarily eliminate thoughts. Instead, they tend to show reduced activity in parts of the default mode network associated with rumination, along with increased connectivity between attention networks and regions involved in meta-awareness. In simple terms: the brain becomes better at noticing thoughts without getting as entangled in them.

That’s the real shift.

The Quiet Radical Shift

A chaotic meditation session isn’t a sign that you’re failing. It may be the first time you’re clearly seeing how active the mind already is.

And a calm meditation session isn’t proof that you’ve mastered anything. It may simply mean that, for that moment, your nervous system settled and the predictive machinery quieted.

The mind generates thoughts. That’s its job.
Meditation changes your relationship to that job.

Instead of being swept away by every mental story, you can begin to witness it. Thought still happens, but identification softens. Reactivity decreases. Awareness steadies.

And when you understand that experientially, the noise often stops feeling like a mistake.

It just becomes part of being human.

The shift is subtle but profound: Instead of asking, “Am I doing this right?” ; Try asking, “Can I be with this?”

And in that question, the striving can begin to soften. The comparison can start to fade. The practice can become less about achievement and more about intimacy with your own experience.

You’re not meditating right if your mind is calm.
You’re not meditating wrong if your mind is chaotic.

You’re simply meditating with what is here.
And that is enough.

How to Respond Constructively

• Reframe success: Define success as showing up consistently and returning to the present moment, not as achieving a particular mental state.

• Label and release judgment: When you notice self-judgment, gently label it (“judging”) and return your attention to the body.

• Track practice, not mood: Note what you did (sat for 5 minutes, used a breath anchor) rather than how it felt mentally.

• Practice self-compassion: Treat yourself with the patience you’d offer a friend who’s learning.

Meditation isn’t about conquering your mind; it’s about befriending it, whatever form it takes.

If your mind is calm, meditating with that clarity can deepen presence.
If your mind is chaotic, meditating with that chaos can teach resilience, curiosity, and gentleness.

In either case, you’re meditating “right” (whatever that means) simply by choosing to be here in this moment.